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The Judas Lesson: Protecting Your Circle Without Losing Yourself

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Last week, I shared a message online that sparked a lot of conversation. I wrote: “If I could share any words of wisdom with today’s youth, it wouldn't be to simply beware of the 'Judases' in your life. That’s a given. The real lesson is this: Judas didn’t start as a betrayer. He became one slowly over time. So, while you must work hard to root out the Judases in your inner circle, you must work even harder not to become one yourself.”


That thought came out of nowhere and has been sitting with me all week. Not the just the Biblical version of Judas, but the quiet slide into a posture of betrayal, resentment, envy, or deceit. The drift into behaviors that disconnect us from our values. The moments when we ignore warning signs in others because we want to believe the best. The moments when we ignore warning signs in ourselves because accountability is uncomfortable. This article is about that energy. The Judas lesson. The subtle traits that can harm relationships, drain your peace, or pull you off your path. And yes, how to recognize them in others, but just as importantly, how to recognize when they’re trying to grow in you.



1. Your body knows before your mind does

Have you ever been around someone and just felt “off” for no clear reason? Our intuition is a powerful early warning system. Research shows that the brain picks up on subtle cues of danger or inconsistency before we consciously register them. When your energy doesn’t agree with someone else’s, you feel it. Not because they’re “evil,” but because something in their behavior, boundaries, or intentions may not be healthy for you. Trust those signals. If you’re wrong, you can apologize. But if you’re right, your intuition just saved you from a slow drip of harm.



2. They struggle with respecting boundaries

People who drain your peace often have trouble respecting limits. They may push through your “no,” overstay their welcome, or reappear in your life after you’ve stepped back. And they usually return with charm, guilt, or pressure. As discussed in our article, Boundary Check: 4 Questions to Explore the Strength of Your Boundaries, "Healthy boundaries are about self-respect, plain and simple. When you let people treat you in ways you don't like, you're telling them it's okay." The lesson? You have the power to close doors and keep them closed. Someone else’s lack of boundaries doesn’t mean you are obligated to sacrifice yours.



3. They chip away at your confidence

One of the clearest signs of harmful behavior is belittling. It might be subtle jokes about your dreams, criticism disguised as concern, or shifting blame in ways that make you doubt yourself. "Jokes shouldn't make you feel uncomfortable or disrespected. By framing their actions as harmless humor, they shift blame onto you," (Boundary Check: 4 Questions to Explore the Strength of Your Boundaries). When someone constantly minimizes you, they are showing you their relationship to power, not their relationship to truth. Stand firm in your worth, even if someone else can’t see it.



4. They take pleasure in other's setbacks

There are people who feel lighter when others are burdened. Not always intentionally, but because they haven’t dealt with their own pain. Instead of healing, they tune into drama, chaos, or misfortune as a form of escape. This can create patterns where someone manufactures conflict or stirs trouble just to feel alive. You can care about people who operate this way, but you cannot carry them. Love them from a distance. Protect your peace and remember that compassion does not require proximity. Sometimes the most loving thing you can do is step back and allow them the space to face their own reflection and begin the healing work only they can choose.



5. They create confusion and conflict

And when that healing doesn’t happen, the pattern usually deepens. It’s no longer enough to watch the drama around them; they begin creating it themselves. What I call Judas energy often shows up through chaos. Confusion. Mixed signals. Contradictions. Moments where you start wondering if you’re imagining things. Manipulation studies show that when people are off-balance or emotionally overwhelmed, they become easier to influence. This is why some individuals keep others in a fog. Confusion protects their control. Your job is to stay grounded. Return to clarity. Write things down if you must. Truth is easier to see when you’re steady.



6. Their actions are consistently unkind

Some people express their inner turmoil outwardly through harshness, cruelty, or aggression. Hurt people hurt people. But hurting others is not a personality trait you are required to absorb. If someone consistently shows you that they cannot handle their emotions without causing harm, love them from a distance until they commit to their own healing.



7. They show little remorse

One of the strongest indicators of Judas energy is the inability to genuinely apologize. Instead of acknowledgment, you may experience deflection or gaslighting. Instead of accountability, you may see blame-shifting or denial.

Research describes a pattern called DARVO: Deny, Attack, and Reverse Victim and Offender. People who use this tactic often rewrite situations to avoid responsibility. This doesn’t make them “evil,” but it does make them unsafe for your emotional or spiritual well-being.



8. They refuse responsibility

When someone rejects accountability long enough, relationships suffer. Without responsibility, there’s no trust. Without trust, there’s no connection. And without connection, everything eventually collapses. The Judas lesson teaches us this: betrayal doesn’t begin with one big decision. It begins with small choices to avoid responsibility. It starts with the quiet rewrites of a story, the subtle shifting of blame, the refusal to look inward when things go wrong. Over time, those small choices harden into patterns, and those patterns shape a person’s character. This is why accountability is not just a moral practice but a relational lifeline. It keeps your heart honest, your intentions clean, and your connections real. Owning your part prevents you from becoming the very thing you fear in others.





The Real Lesson: Guard Your Circle and Guard Your Heart

It’s easy to read a list like this and focus on how to spot harmful people. And yes, protecting your peace is important. But the deeper message is this: Judas didn’t start as Judas. We all carry the capacity to drift into bitterness, resentment, selfishness, or emotional irresponsibility if we aren’t mindful. The real work is staying grounded in integrity, humility, and self-awareness. Being honest with yourself when you’re the one who needs to course-correct. Practicing repair. Setting boundaries. Being accountable. Staying aligned with your values, even when it’s hard. You deserve a circle that feels safe, supportive, and sincere. And you deserve to be that kind of person too. Please remember that wherever you are on this wellness journey, do not worry about getting it perfect; just get it going. Until next time. Happy reading!


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“Not everyone who’s in your circle is in your corner.” ~Steve Maraboli

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