Traveling Light: Unpacking the Invisible Suitcases We Carry

#StressManagement #SelfCare #SelfNurturing #Wellness #EmotionalWellness #LettingGo #Unpacking #SelfLeadership

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I once knew someone who swore they traveled light. No drama, no grudges, no “baggage.” And if you met them, you might have believed it too. They laughed easily, stayed busy, and always seemed fine. But every now and then, the truth peeked through. A smile that faded when certain names came up. A quiet tension in their voice during certain conversations. A heaviness in their eyes when they thought no one was looking.

They carried more than they realized. Old regrets, guilt from choices made years ago, quiet resentment, shame, and self-doubt, all packed into invisible suitcases they didn’t know how to put down. And those suitcases weren’t harmless. They shaped how this person showed up in relationships, how they handled stress, how they spoke to themselves, and how free they felt in their everyday life.

To combat this, they became an expert at disputing their emotions, creating thought records to challenge negative beliefs, and reframing their past with a more positive spin. For a while, it worked. The anxious thoughts quieted, the feelings of shame were talked down, and the heavy emotions seemed to shrink. They could effectively argue against their inner landscape, proving with logic that their feelings were irrational. But the underlying pain was still there. It was like putting a lid on a boiling pot; eventually, the pressure built up. Old patterns of emotional withdrawal, guardedness, and people-pleasing returned, often more intensely than before, revealing that the old suitcases were still just as full. By constantly fighting against their inner world, this person never gets to the root of the problem. Instead, the unresolved pain becomes so ingrained that they start to mistake it for their identity. And that person I’m talking about? That was me. This constant, exhausting battle was my turning point. It's what led me to the compassionate framework of Internal Family Systems (IFS) and to a new way of understanding my inner world. And yes, my dears, I do mean inner world.

Don't Let a Part of You Define the Whole of You

It’s common to mistake a wounded part of ourselves for our entire identity, as if that one heavy suitcase defines who we are. One of the first shifts IFS invites us into is recognizing that painful feelings and beliefs belong to parts, not to our core Self. Instead of saying, “I have trust issues,” I learned to say, “There’s a part of me afraid to trust because it was hurt before.” Instead of, “I’m broken,” I began to say, “There’s a part of me that feels broken, but I’m learning to care for and heal that part.” This practice is called unblending and it helps you gently separate from the part holding pain so you can access your calm, compassionate Self. When a painful belief arises, try telling yourself, “I’m feeling this pain, but it’s just a part that needs my attention, not the whole of me.”

Notice the Suitcases You’re Carrying

You can’t help a part unload its suitcase until you first see it’s there. That begins with turning inward and asking, "Who inside of me is feeling this right now?" Rather than pushing feelings away, you can pause and get curious. You might ask, "Which part of me is still holding anger? Which part still carries blame? Which part keeps replaying the past?" You might sense these parts as a tightness in your chest, a critical voice in your mind, or an ache in your stomach. Often, what we call "just stress" or "just the way I am" is actually a part holding unprocessed pain. And when that pain goes unseen, the part often works even harder to protect you, sometimes in ways that feel exhausting. When you find and name that part, you open a door to connect with it from your core Self, so it no longer has to carry its heavy suitcase alone.

The Story Behind the Suitcase

Each part carries a story packed tightly inside its suitcase. It might be a narrative like, “They betrayed me,” “I wasn’t enough,” or “I always mess things up.” Some parts replay these stories daily, almost like a protective ritual. Over time, the story can fuse with your identity, making it feel like the truth rather than just one part's perspective. The brain responds to repetition, so the more a part retells its story, the deeper the pathway becomes, shaping your beliefs, emotions, and choices. A powerful shift is to pause when you notice the loop and gently ask, "Is this the part’s old story, or is it the reality right now?" Even this simple focus interrupts the part’s automatic pattern. It creates space for you, as your core Self, to hear the part without getting swept into its narrative, opening the way for new possibilities and a different future.

Welcome the Shame-Filled Suitcase with Compassion

IFS invites us to change how we relate to shame. Rather than trying to fight or eliminate it, you recognize shame as a part of you that is trying to protect you from being hurt or rejected. This part often carries the heavy suitcase of unworthiness from past pain. When that feeling of shame shows up, you can connect with your core Self, which is inherently calm, curious, and compassionate. Then, you can turn that compassionate energy toward the part that's holding the shame. A statement you could try is: "I see you, part of me that feels shame. Thank you for trying to protect me. I know you're afraid I'll be hurt again, but I'm here now. It's okay to let go of this burden."

Get to Know What’s Inside the Suitcase

Finding a part is only the start. To truly help it, you need to unpack its suitcase and understand its story. The stories a part carries are often based on past experiences and the beliefs it formed to keep you safe. By turning toward the part with curiosity, you can begin to ask it gentle questions like, "What happened to you?" or "How did you get this job?" Then you have to listen fully to its perspective. As weird as it may sound, this part has fears, goals, and history. Knowing this is essential. This process of deep listening allows you to see the world from the part's point of view, helping you build a trusting relationship. It's in this safe, non-judgmental space that a part can finally begin to let go of its heavy load.

Create Rituals to Help Your Parts Unpack and Let Go

The subconscious mind and its many parts respond powerfully to symbolic acts. Even small, personal rituals can have a profound impact by helping a wounded part of you let go of its pain. This isn't about getting rid of a part; it's about helping it release the heavy burden it has been carrying. For example: instead of writing and burning a letter to someone who hurt you, you might write a letter from the part of you that holds the hurt, acknowledging its pain and thanking it for trying to protect you. Burning the letter can symbolize the release of that burden. Throwing an old object into a river can represent the part of you that held onto a past identity or struggle, now being able to flow freely. These physical gestures are acts of self-witnessing. They tell your internal system, "This part of our story is complete. I see the pain you carried, and I'm ready to help you unpack it now." Sometimes, the body leads this healing process, and the rest of your system follows.

Traveling light doesn’t mean carrying no weight at all. It means gently unpacking the invisible suitcases we’ve been holding onto for far too long. Learning to live with less fear and more ease starts by turning inward, meeting the parts of you still carrying pain. When you connect with your calm, compassionate Self and offer kindness to these parts, those old burdens begin to soften, and your true light can shine through. If you’re ready to journey deeper into emotional freedom, this approach may be just the guidance you need. Letting go isn’t about giving up, it’s about reconnecting with your core Self and choosing compassion as your path, again and again. If you’d like support unpacking those suitcases, consider scheduling a Self-Led Transformation Coaching session. Together, we’ll help your parts feel seen, understood, and ready to heal. And please remember that wherever you are on this wellness journey, do not worry about getting it perfect; just get it going. Until next time. Happy reading!

Affiliate Link to Follow

Join Us in Reading “No Bad Parts” by Dr. Richard Schwartz

If this article spoke to you, especially the sections about recognizing and caring for your parts, you might really appreciate the book I’m reading this month with a therapist friend. It offers a compassionate roadmap for understanding the many voices inside us and learning how to lead from our calm, curious Self. I’m excited to share it with you because it deepens many of the ideas we’ve explored here and can be a powerful companion on your journey toward healing and wholeness.

The book is "No Bad Parts" by Dr. Richard Schwartz, the creator of Internal Family Systems therapy. Want to read along with us? Grab your copy here: https://amzn.to/4mkeKY4

“The heaviest suitcase isn’t always the one we see; it’s the weight of the stories we’ve kept silent for too long.” ~Letecia Griffin

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