#StressManagement #SelfCare #SelfNurturing #Wellness #EmotionalWellness #Balance #EmotionalWellbeing #InnerParts #SelfDiscovery #SelfLeadership #SelfLedTransformationCoaching

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We humans sometimes have destructive impulses that cause difficulties in our lives. And these emotions or impulses often don't make sense to us. Maybe you can relate. You try to handle these feelings by fighting with impulses or even criticizing your emotions. This may actually work, for a time. Until it backfires and returns with a vengeance. When we get into battles with our inner parts, they fight back. When we understand our parts, we begin to see that it does not make sense to fight them, suppress them, or judge them. They are just trying to help in their own way.
Nichelle made the decision that this new year would be her year. She has always had an interest in motivational speaking. Throughout her life, her friends would always come to her when they were down, and she'd just always known what to say. She began entertaining dreams of being the social media friend people could turn to for a little uplifting. Nichelle wanted to be a content creator on both TikTok and YouTube. Since she would still need to hold down her full-time job, she had planned that on Sundays, she'd gather a little research on the topics that came to her throughout the week. But for whatever reason she could not get started.
First, she decided that she needed to clean and organize the clutter at her desk to help her refocus. This seemed to take forever. So, she stopped. Then she thought maybe a quick jog around her subdivision would help. Well she then went on a 20-minute jog. "Okay," she thought to herself, "now I am ready to go." But instead of going directly to her home office, she went to the kitchen, you know for refreshment. "But while I'm at it," she thought, "might as well get a snack to help refuel." Half an hour later, she was meal prepping her lunches for the week. Procrastination.
Many coaching methods would include identifying underlying emotions, identifying procrastination triggers, challenging negative thoughts, establishing SMART goals, utilizing time management by breaking down tasks, and adding in an accountability buddy. Nichelle and her coach would work for a few weeks on developing these habits. And yet often times, the procrastination, the lethargy, the stuckness would persist. Oh it might disappear for a day or two. Maybe even a few weeks. Some advertising, teaser posts would go out on social media and that would be it. But it would return; the procrastination, the lethargy, the stuckness would return. Three months later, still not one episode uploaded. Seven months later, the goal is all but abandoned. Better luck next year. The truth is, there is a part of Nichelle that does not want her to work on this content creation project. This part of Nichelle keeps her busy with other activities as a way to avoid content creation, even though content creation is her highest priority. This busy part of her is unconscious yet in still it has the power to stop her from succeeding.
If you’ve ever struggled with procrastination, you might relate. You try the motivational podcasts. You try the inspirational videos. The self-help books. The self-help journals. You may even tagged your best friend to keep you accountable. As a last resort you may even enter coaching or counseling. The tips help mobilize you and help you think positively for a time. But the resistance always creeps back in. And much like Nichelle, the truth is there is a part of you that does not want you to work on your goal. If you go to traditional coaching, you'd probably inadvertently uncover this part of you. You and your coach would try to convert it or even overcome it. You would grow to see this part of you as your enemy. But this approach won't work well for long. Because it ignores the very real fears and motivations of this part of you. The sole reason why it exists.
Our human minds are not unitary thing that sometimes has irrational feelings. It is a complex system of interacting parts each with a mind of its own. Like a family, except on the inside. Much like a family, inside you may find wounded children, impulsive teenagers, rigid adults, hypocritical parents, caring friends, and nurturing relatives. These parts have their own reasons for existing, shaped by past experiences and emotions. If you have never heard of IFS (Internal Family Systems) or any other parts systems, this may seem a little out there to you. Whenever I introduce my clients to the concept, I simply ask, "Have you seen Pixar's Inside Out?" In the movie Inside Out, Riley's emotions—Joy, Sadness, Anger, Fear, and Disgust—are personified as individual characters inside her mind. Each of these emotions plays a role in protecting her, even when their actions seem counterproductive.
Joy
Joy, the dominant character, tries to keep Riley happy at all costs, often suppressing other emotions in an attempt to maintain control. However, by the end of the movie, Joy realizes that Sadness is crucial for Riley's emotional well-being. Sadness allows Riley to seek comfort and connection, which helps her process difficult experiences. This dynamic is similar to how we interact with our own inner parts—some parts try to dominate, while others are pushed aside, yet each part has a role to play in our growth and resilience.
Anger
Anger steps in when boundaries are crossed, giving Riley the strength to stand up for herself. He is quick to react, often in defense of fairness or justice. Anger can be powerful when it’s channeled correctly, but unchecked, it can lead to rash decisions or conflicts. In Inside Out, Anger helps Riley stand up for herself, but also pushes the boundaries of what's acceptable.
Disgust
Disgust is Riley’s internal sensor, designed to protect her from things that might be physically or socially harmful—whether that’s bad food or awkward social situations. She’s quick to judge things that seem repulsive, helping Riley avoid negative experiences. While her reflexive reactions may seem superficial, Disgust's purpose is important in maintaining personal boundaries and promoting self-respect.
Fear
Fear is the protector. He’s the one who steps in when Riley faces danger or uncertainty, activating her fight-or-flight response. His purpose is to keep Riley safe from harm by alerting her to potential threats. While Fear may seem overly cautious at times, his hyper-awareness helps avoid risks and navigate unknown situations. Fear represents that part of us that’s focused on survival and security. He reminds us that it’s important to be cautious, but he also has the tendency to become excessive when we let him dominate our decision-making.
Sadness:
Sadness may seem like the most negative emotion, but her role is deeply important. She’s the one who helps Riley process loss, disappointment, and heartache. Sadness might be uncomfortable, but she allows Riley to express vulnerability, heal, and ultimately connect with others in meaningful ways. While Joy initially tries to suppress Sadness, it becomes clear that Sadness is essential for emotional growth. She teaches us that it's okay to experience grief and sorrow, and that these emotions can lead to greater empathy and understanding.
We all have an internal system of countless parts who interact internally with each and externally with other people. You can have parts of you that are trying to lose weight whereas an opposing part of you wants to wolf down a tub of icecream. Then there maybe another part of you that tells you that you should be ashamed of yourself for getting up on another late night eating binge. This simple concept only begins to touch on the richness and complexness of our inner life. Each part of us gets activated at certain times. If you are like me, being in a large group of people makes me feel shy and I want to withdraw and hide away. When a supervisor criticizes you, this may throw a part of you off balance and suddenly you feel completely incompetent. There is nothing wrong with you. There is no deficit in you. And you have the resources within you to solve your problems.
The goal of IFS is to embody the Self and heal our injured parts so that we can live with confidence guided by curiosity and compassion. Just like Riley in Inside Out, who learns to value the contributions of all her emotions, we can learn to understand and embrace the different parts of ourselves. In fact, each part has its own needs and roles, and our job is not to eliminate them but to engage with them compassionately. This Self-led approach invites us to listen with curiosity, without judgment rather than trying to eliminate these aspects of yourself. When we can do this, our inner dialogue changes spontaneously. Our extreme voices calm down and we begin to feel good things. We feel safer. We feel lighter. We feel freer. We begin to learn to trace the trajectory of our own emotional history with more clarity and more understanding.
Self-Led Transformation Coaching empowers you to take charge of your own growth because your Self is the agent of healing and wholeness. Using IFS, we can access your Self and connect with strength and love. Understanding yourself from this view can help you see yourself in a whole new light. It will also change how you see other people and the world.
What can you get from me and my Self-Led Transformation Coaching program? We can begin to understand yourself and your psychological makeup not from a place of pathology or dysfunction but from a place of there are varying parts within that have their own needs and jobs in your life. We can begin to both recognize and relate to your parts as they get activated in your day-to-day life. And since my job is not to make you dependent on me, I can teach you how to explore and coach yourself. Afterall, you have the inner resources. These resources are just often times blocked because of unconscious reactions to events in your past. I'll help you with roadmap to access them.
In conclusion, understanding the complexity of our inner world through frameworks like Internal Family Systems (IFS) allows us to approach our emotions and behaviors with compassion, rather than judgment. Just like the characters in Inside Out, each part of us has a purpose, and it's not about eliminating them but learning to live in harmony with them. Nichelle's story highlights how resistance can stem from internal parts that may seem like obstacles but are actually trying to protect us in their own way. With Self-Led Transformation Coaching, we can explore these parts, understand their motivations, and guide ourselves toward healing and growth. Through curiosity and compassion, we can create a more balanced and empowered life, transforming how we view ourselves and our interactions with the world. Please remember that wherever you are on this wellness journey, do not worry about getting it perfect; just get it going. Until next time. Happy reading!
Questions to Our Readers |
What was your favorite Inside Out character? How do your inner parts show up in your life? Feel free to share in the comment section below. |
“Your parts are not obstacles to be removed; they are allies seeking to protect you in the only way they know how.” ~Richard Schwartz
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