This week has been something. My company instituted a mandatory work Saturday (therapist life and paperwork y'all). Even though Monday was a holiday, my body feels like it has been on go with absolutely no rest. All the outlines of what to share with you my dear readers are out the window. Today I wanted to laugh and hope to share that laughter with you. Or maybe a giggle.
This morning as I was mindlessly scrolling through social media, (and by morning, I mean at around 2am this morning) I stumbled across a post, "Poorly Explain What You Do for a Living." I must admit, I cackled a little with some of them. I'm going to share with you my top 20 picks.
Let me guess...photographer? Trained assassin works well too though.
"I make people smile then I shoot them, occasionally I flash at them as well." ~Heather Holmes
Suddenly I am hungry for pizza.
"I put round things in square things so people can eat triangle things." ~Todd Glenn
So many directions; some inappropriate....a funeral director? Yeah. That's safe.
"I'm in the business of misery." ~Ashley Parker
IT Support??? I don't know. All I keep seeing is the Geek Squad van rolling up.
"I kindly ask people to unplug the device that is causing them trouble. Ask them to count to 5 and plug it back in again." ~Alex Quale
Either he is someone's 85 year old sight seeing grandpa or a "boy in blue"
"I'm the most annoying thing on the highway for people in a rush. Which is all the time." ~Matthew Gaudon
Florist. And I'm willing to bet February 14th and Mother's Day are the busiest.
"I put dead flowers in vases just so they could die even more but on display." ~Gina Wells
I don't know banker? But can Carla give me the kind of money I don't have to pay back?
"I give people money that isn't mine." ~Carla Kindness
Respiratory Therapist right?
"I take people's money for teaching them how to breathe." ~Jeffrey Peterson
Math teacher. Eww
"I torture 10 year olds with numbers." ~Katie Turck
Remind me to send my dental hygienist a thank you card.
"I pick shit out of people's teeth." ~Erin Sanders
Come November, I need to thank this guy for his service....or contact the FBI
"I have to stay in shape and sometimes they let me play with guns and explosives." ~Paul Cascell
TEAM FEDEX or TEAM UPS???
"If you've got a small package, odds are I've touched it." ~Bob Hurd
Must be a realtor because when I do it, it is called breaking and entering.
"I let people into other people's homes to look around." ~Jane Waters Showalter
This screams social worker. More specifically foster care. I don't miss that job at all.
"Remind people what they did wrong on every contact. All up in their business search ever inch of their homes. I also make them know if them do it again or anything remotely similar the child is going to disappear from their sight." ~Sanya West
Yoga. We're talking Yoga right???
"I bend people over and make them feel good about themselves." ~Kimberley Bell
Remind me to give my mom a hug and an apology.
"I chase around screaming crotch goblins and wrestle them to the floor while they kick their little legs up in the air trying to keep me from wiping the shit off their asses whilst doing so it gets smeared into the carpet & then I become a housekeeper scrubbing it out of my carpet with shaving cream. All the while I've got water on the stove I've already burnt 3x, scatter brained as to where tf the tv remote went so I'm holding my breath digging through the god forsaken depths of hell I call a couch that's full of god knows what between the cushions just so I can escape to go pee without one of them noticing before I get a chance to wipe myself." ~Kelsae Lauran
I need to introduce Trista and Kelsae so they can start a mom support group.
"I clean up after these tiny sex trophys that were cut out of me and spend the day feeling like cinderella." ~Trista Nicole Vrem
I'm going to go with my favorite people....writers.
"I rearrange letters of the alphabet until they evoke emotions from people." ~Maipelo Sechogela
Ummmm.....Barri....I'm just going to go with Medical Examiner??? Crime Scene Tech???
"I look for dead people and find ways to talk to them. Sometimes they respond, sometimes they don't. I also have to go into attics and basements and get covered in grime and dirt." ~Barri Ghai
Okay Minister. I was wondering if he was out in Utah for a second there.
"I marry a lot of women...I marry a lot of men too. I know where all the bodies are buried and every now and again, I unsuccessfully try to drown babies, small children and the occasional adult.
Edit: I also sometimes serve food and alcoholic beverages to people (including young children). While doing this, I tell them in a very serious manner that they are eating human flesh and drinking human blood...For some reason, they all accept this as fact and think its a good idea to do on a weekly basis." ~Kenneth J. Katona
I hope you found this list enjoyable and different. Please feel free to go to the comment section and poorly describe what you do for a living. My intentions with this blog post is to help us become more mindful of taking moments to laugh and be silly. Life will come at us hard and fast. When we become so focused on doing, we can sometimes lose sight of being. When we get so focused on the hustle and bustle of life, we find that we spend less time laughing and more time being busy. Wherever you are on this journey, do not worry about getting it perfect; just get it going. Today's article is an encouragement to steal moments to laugh with childlike wonder over the next week. Until next time. Happy reading.
BONUS POORLY DESCRIBE WHAT YOU DO FOR A LIVING:
"Make people cry then write about it." ~Me
"Most people don't allow the happy moment, because they're so busy trying to get a happy life." ~Esther Hicks
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