The Quiet Power of Kindness in a Season That Can Hurt
- Letecia Griffin
- 4 days ago
- 6 min read
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The holidays are often wrapped in messages of joy, gratitude, and togetherness. And yet, for many people, this season quietly brings grief, loneliness, financial stress, complicated family dynamics, or emotional exhaustion. Yes, the holidays tend to activate many of our parts. The grieving part. The overwhelmed part. The part that feels left out. The part that just wants everything to be “okay.” Kindness, when practiced with awareness, becomes more than good manners. It becomes a way of regulating our nervous systems and offering safety to others who may be struggling silently. Below are a few ways to practice kindness this holiday season, starting from the inside out.
1. Listen With Presence, Not Performance
One of the most meaningful forms of kindness is simply being present. Mindfulness teaches us to notice when our attention drifts. IFS helps us recognize the parts of us that want to jump in with advice, stories, or solutions. These parts often mean well, but they can unintentionally pull us out of true connection. Kindness looks like noticing those inner impulses and gently choosing to stay with the person in front of you. It means listening to understand, not to respond. Asking curious follow-up questions. Allowing silence without rushing to fill it.
A simple practice: |
After someone finishes speaking, take one mindful breath before responding. This pause helps your nervous system settle and signals to the other person that they are truly being heard. |
2. Practice Invisible Acts of Kindness
Not all kindness needs to be seen, shared, or validated. Invisible kindness helps loosen our attachment to external approval. It soothes the parts of us that crave recognition and reassures them that giving can be safe and meaningful without applause. Quiet acts of kindness can be especially powerful during the holidays, when comparison and performative generosity are everywhere. Consider small, unseen gestures. Paying for someone’s coffee. Leaving an encouraging note. Sending a thoughtful message to someone who may be having a hard season. These acts ripple outward, even when no one knows where they came from.
3. Remember That Everyone Has Parts That Are Struggling
No one is just one way. The person who seems short-tempered may have an overwhelmed part running the show. The friend who feels distant may have a protective part trying to manage grief or exhaustion. Mindfulness helps us pause long enough to notice our own reactions before making assumptions. When we remember that everyone has parts carrying burdens, kindness becomes more natural. We offer grace instead of taking things personally. We respond with curiosity rather than defensiveness. A grounding reminder you can carry this season: Everyone you meet is managing something you cannot see.
4. Apologize From Self, Not from Defense
The holidays often bring people together in ways that activate old patterns. When harm happens, mindful kindness shows up in how we repair. IFS teaches that clean apologies come from Self, not from protective parts trying to justify or minimize. A Self-led apology sounds like, “I’m sorry. I see how that hurt you. How can I make this right?” This kind of apology creates safety. It helps the other person’s nervous system settle and invites reconnection rather than escalation. Letting go of the need to be right can feel uncomfortable, especially for parts that equate mistakes with failure. But this is often where the deepest healing begins.
5. Offer Consistent Care, Not Grand Gestures
Kindness is not about dramatic moments. It’s about steady presence. It's those small, ordinary moments. It's the consistency that helps build trust, especially for parts that have learned not to expect support. Checking in regularly. Remembering details. Following through on what you say you’ll do. These small acts can feel grounding to someone whose world feels uncertain or overwhelming during the holidays. Consistency tells others, "You matter, even when nothing flashy is happening."
6. Express Gratitude with Intention
Gratitude is a mindfulness practice, but it becomes even more powerful when expressed outwardly. Kindness shows up when we name what we appreciate, especially to people who may feel invisible. Thanking the cashier, the delivery driver, the coworker, the family member who showed up in a small but meaningful way. When appreciation is spoken, it offers a moment of nervous system regulation for both the giver and the receiver. From an IFS perspective, it reassures our protective parts that connection can be safe and reciprocal. It also reminds burdened parts that support exists, even in quiet forms. Gratitude can also help soothe parts that feel resentful, depleted, or taken for granted. It gently shifts our internal focus without bypassing real feelings. This season, try naming your gratitude out loud. Specific appreciation helps others feel seen and strengthens connection.
7. Give People Space to Be More Than Their Past
The holidays often bring old stories back to the surface. Family roles. Past mistakes. Long-held judgments. Kindness means allowing space for growth. IFS reminds us that people are not their behaviors or their burdens. Mindfulness helps us notice when we are mentally locking someone into an outdated version of themselves. When we catch ourselves rehearsing old narratives, we can gently pause and ask which part of us is holding onto that story. Offering compassion to that part creates more internal flexibility and choice. This inner shift often makes it easier to respond to others with curiosity rather than judgment. Now let's not get it twisted. Offering room for change doesn’t mean ignoring boundaries. It means recognizing effort, acknowledging growth, and staying open to who someone is becoming.
This holiday season doesn’t need more perfection or forced positivity. It needs presence. Awareness. Compassion. When kindness is rooted in mindfulness and guided by Self-energy, it becomes regulating, relational, and deeply human. Small, intentional acts can soften difficult moments and remind others that they are not alone. And often, the kindness we offer outwardly becomes the same kindness our own parts have been needing all along. So as you move forward, carry this gentle approach into your own life and wellness journey. Please remember, as you begin this wellness journey, do not worry about getting it perfect; just get it going. Until next time. Happy reading!
Affiliate Link |
Financial stress is one of the quieter burdens many people carry during the holidays, often keeping parts of us on high alert even when we’re trying to be present. Just as inner work invites simplicity and alignment, our finances sometimes need the same compassionate attention. With borrowing costs beginning to ease, this can be a gentle moment to look at high-interest debt that may be adding unnecessary strain. Consolidating payments into one predictable monthly bill can reduce mental clutter and give your nervous system one less thing to manage. A SoFi Personal Loan is one option that may help simplify your finances and potentially lower your interest rate. If you apply using my affiliate link and are approved, SoFi offers a $300 bonus to both of us, a small but meaningful support as you continue building a more aligned life. |
“Where there is kindness, there is awareness. And where there is awareness, there is room for healing.” ~Thich Nhat Hanh
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